In order to satisfy the milk-lust of Miss Olive, I have been known to hang out on sites that make milky matches between mamas. I happened to be cruising through one when I saw a lady called Lamea thanking her long term donors for all the milk her daughter Elsie had received.
Being a collector of strong female narratives, I asked her if she would share her story. I am amazed at how similar her story is to my own and incredibly thankful to her for allowing me to share this with you all.
I had a dream pregnancy: We live on a massive farm and I have lots of dogs, so I walked for hours each day. I loved the hot weather, I lay in the river and I worked on the farm until the day Elsie was born. There were days I would walk nearly 20kms, I just loved being outside and feeling my baby moving around.
A few days before my due date I started having mild contractions. I was a bit dilated, so went home to wait it out ... and wait and wait and wait. I was contracting very regularly for 4 days but Elsie was stuck and she wouldn't turn. In the end she came out on her due date: It was an easy birth, but I was genuinely shocked at how much it hurt!
Because of the long pre-labour I was really exhausted by the time she was born; and then the breastfeeding began. Elsie was a very willing little drinker, and everyone kept saying how well we were doing, but I just so strongly felt she wasn't getting enough.
We came home from the hospital and had nearly a straight week of sitting 24 hours a day on the couch trying to feed her. She got dehydrated, hungry and lethargic.
I remember hovering over the scales each time they weighed her and she just wouldn't put on an ounce. They were so calm about it, obviously trying to prevent further anxiety.
The midwife drove 80km a day to see me and check Elsie’s nappies. When there was no improvement in her weight gain she said I must go in to town with her and give her formula.
It was absolutely indescribably awful.
I had never in my wildest anxious dreams thought I couldn't feed my baby. I had stocked up on cupboards of nursing pads and nipple cream, I knew I had brilliantly shaped boobs and nipples: I thought I was a dead cert.
I balled my eyes out as Elsie drank her first bottle of formula; so relieved she was getting a decent feed, and so heartbroken I had to give her formula.
After a few weeks of lactation consultant work I had her drinking from a
Lact-aid, a wee tube that goes into her mouth from my nipple. She was really, really good at it, even though it was super fiddly.
It was really hard to breastfeed in public because I felt ashamed I was 'bottle' feeding. I was pumping 10 x a day, taking every herb and drug under the sun, making weird concoctions, and yes - as everyone kept saying - drinking lots of water!!
I constantly stressed over the formula factor, but then my darling friend Jerry told me he knew someone who used donor milk and suddenly, I had found my answer.
My lactation consultant was super supportive unofficially, but couldn't help me officially. She heard of a lady with a big stash of frozen milk, sent me some info on pasteurizing, and then I found
Piripoho Aotearoa.
The tricky part was persuading my very 'straight' partner that it was the best thing to do for Elsie. I think what won him over was showing him the World Health Organisation's
stance on donor milk, and we were away.
I spent the next months contacting people for milk. I would run really low and panic I wouldn't find more, and every time someone came out of the woodwork and bailed me out. I met Amanda and Porsha, my long term donors, and would visit them once a month, driving hundreds of kilometers with cake and a freezer bag.
I truly love those woman, and all the woman who donate milk. As someone who pumped a lot I know what a drag it can be. I think having a good supply would make it easier, but it is still a big job. It is amazing what woman do for each other.
I felt so relieved Elsie was getting the nutrition she needed. I could provide about half her milk needs, the rest I pasteurized and fed her through a
Supplemental Nursing System.
It fills me with endless joy to see social media helping to create networks of women who are willing to become heroes to friends and strangers alike.
There are no words to describe the gift of milk donation: only heartfelt thanks.
